No title just me rambling

15 August 2018

I was a Christian most of my life. I used to believe in God, Jesus and Angels and the existance of Satan. But where has it got me? I have lost my hopes and dreams to make a better life for myself and my family. I am still poor. I am worse off health-wise because what I wanted God supposedly took me literally as to what I wanted. But then again, what I really want God does nothing about despite my begging and pleadings.

I have learnt that if you are exceptionally emotional over something you want and that is all that you can think about, then you will receive it.

Under normal circumstances I move on quickly from things and people. I get over them quickly and move on with life. But when God brings you shit in your life and refuses to allow you to move on from it, then there is something wrong. My faith in God has flown out the window. No-one up there is listening to me. This makes me wonder if there was anyone up there in Heaven in the first place.

I've concluded that none of the Spiritual realm is real. That God is not real, Angels are not real, Jesus is not real. That it is all an illusion. That we somehow create a religious illusion because we are deeply grieving about something when we are at a young age. I think that is how it happened for me anyway.